#15 New Year New Beginning?

It is New Years Eve, and the new year is fast approaching. My mom's Kidney Transplant is taking place in 11.5 days (1-11-11) and I think it's finally starting to sink in. I kind of feel like the Negative Nancy of the bunch, because I keep running through the "What if's" in my head. I know that mom's been through this before over 25 years ago, and that medical technology has advanced a lot. I also know they wouldn't risk this surgery if they felt that the chances of success were lower rather than higher. But I am starting to freak out here. Second transplants are more difficult, she's older, and I am just terrified that she will not make it through the surgery. Everyone has been really positive and hopeful, and almost seem to deny that this is a major surgery that is taking place, and that things CAN go wrong. Yesterday my mother gave me a list of people to call, it reminded me of the telephone tree system they had back in grade school. And I had the thought of having to call these people and tell them she didn't survive.

There is going to be lots of family at the hospital throughout the family, and I think that makes me even more nervous. I do not like crying around people, and I know I am going to be scared @#$&less through the whole ordeal. I am afraid I am going to lose it when they get ready to wheel her out to surgery. I know I will break down crying, but I don't want mom to see that, because I don't want her to worry as she's going into surgery.

Another thing I worry about is my brother. He won't be here for the surgery. And I am little upset about that, yes. Because if by chance she doesn't survive, he is going to be angry at himself for the rest of his life.

I worry about Mr R's surgery as well. We already had one scare with an xray that showed a spot on his lung (it ended up being nothing thankfully). I am being a typical Virgo, being over analytical and worrisome. I need to stop, and often I take a deep breathe and tell myself everything will be ok and turn out wonderful.

Most of the time I am very positive about the transplant. It is absolutely wonderful what the R Family is doing for my family, they've been friends for years, but who would've ever thought it would end up playing out this way? My mom joked for years that Mr R was her secret boyfriend and wondered when she would get a ring. But she's receiving something much better than a ring. She's receiving the gift of life. I am happy Mrs R has not minded this affair ;-)

I want to thank everyone who has expressed concern, prayed, and reached out tot he family. I'd also like to thank all the people who called to inquire about testing and those who did get tested even though you weren't a match. I had been enrolled in the pair donation network with my mom this whole time. After her transplant I am switching my enrollment to be an Altruistic Donor. Which means I will gladly donate my Kidney to whoever needs it if we are a match. It's the least I can do. If there is a part of me that I don't necessarily need and someone else does in order to live a healthy life, there is no way I could hesitate. Especially after watching what mom has gone through.

I am sure there will be more posts leading up to the day of surgery, and for everyone who would like updates, some will be called, texted, and there will always be updates on my personal Facebook Page as well as on the group page for Veva Needs A Kidney on Facebook.