#9 The Saga Continues

Well, I am a bit baffled. On Friday, mom got a chest x-ray and was told her pneumonia was cleared up. Come Sunday morning, she woke up with horrible chest pains and a cough. My father went in early Sunday morning to check on her and found her sitting up on the side of the bed. First reaction was she was having a heart attack. My father said he would call an ambulance, but if you know my mom, you wouldn't be suprised when she said NO WAY!!! They waited 5 minutes and then my mom said she wanted to go to the hospital. In the emergency room they took a chest x-ray and low and behold her Pneumonia was back 3 fold. This time they said she was highly contagious. How is it that Friday she was pneumonia free and that time it wasn't contagious, and by Sunday she is contagious and really sick again?
She's got a private room at the hospital. They are handling her dialysis there. I was able to go see her yesterday. She had just gotten done with Dialysis when I saw her, and she had more energy than I thought she would have. I guess because she is SO sick that even the littlest things make her feel better. Normally after Dialysis, she goes right to bed for the night. She is very uncomfortable, her left side of her body hurts her really bad.
She is terribly skinny, and her itching is really bothering her. I know she hates being there, it disrupts her routine, and her comfort level is severely compromised. There is something about your own bed. It was nice to see her, I was scared and hated the fact I couldn't see her on Sunday. Her immune system is so down that I had to wear gloves and a mask in order to go in the room. I called her about a 1/2 hour ago and I could tell she was frusrated. She also was having a hard time completing a sentence. She seemed a bit confused and couldn't get her thoughts together. She kept repeating words and half sentences over, and at once point she said "I am losing my mind, I can't figure out what I am trying to say. I feel crazy" I think she was trying to tell me that she was frustrated with her nurses. They don't think of the little things because they aren't patients and they haven't been thru her situation personally. It's the little things. They came in to start her IV which takes 45 minutes, so she ordered her breakfast to coincide with the end of her IV. Breakfast arrives, but then the nurses decide to come in and make her do her vitals and have her walk around abit. So she wasn't able to eat breakfast. They came in and moved everything around and didn't put it back. So when I called, mom couldn't easily answer the phone and it hurt her to position herself to lean over and answer the phone. Seems like little non important things, but when you are terribly sick, these little tasks are big tasks.
The pulminologist is coming by today to check her out in a bit. The doctors said they aren't sure why her pneumonia isn't clearing up as fast. That a lot of her symptoms and tests point to pneumonia but there are a couple things that are inconsistant to pneumonia. They are working on finding out what is wrong. I hope they find an answer soon. It's really hard and scary to watch someone you love slowly deteriorating. I think I said this in the last blog. I love her to death and when you see someone suffering and there isn't anything you can do to truely help it is really hard. I have tried to do as much as I can.
I spent the day with my dad yesterday and I can see this is really hard on him as well. Both of my parents are the type of people that don't show pain or struggle, so when they do it is a bit hard because it's something I am not use to. I know dad is really concerned, as we all are, but it shows. He's been trying to field the calls from all their friends. He says he gets choked up each time he has to tell someone that mom is in the hospital and not doing well. But luckily, their network of friends are spreading the word to each other, and that makes it a bit easier for him. Mom doesn't really want any visitors, or phone calls. She is too weak and it hurts her to talk.
I overheard dad yesterday on the phone tell someone that she has been removed from all donation lists for the time being. She is too sick. If she and I were lucky enough to be a match in this last Match Run for the Paired Donation Network, we are not qualified now and will be removed from this time around. If someone loses their life and they happened to be a perfect match to give mom a kidney, she won't receive it. You must be healthy to undergo a transplant. Even the slightest cold can be enough for them not to go ahead with it. This worries us all and is a bit depressing. But, on the upside, once she is healthy she will be placed back on the list, and in the same priority order as she was. She will not be placed on the bottom of the donation list. That was one of my concerns that I do not have to be concerned about anymore.
As of right now, the doctors can not tell us much. They aren't quite sure of everything that is wrong, they are a bit baffled as to why it's being so resillient, and can;t say how long she will be in the hospital. They also said they do not know if she will pull thru this, meaning she might just keep constantly getting sick. Her body can't fight off small or mild infections as well as a healthier person can. It is very scary, and I have just started to admit to myself there is a definate possibility that mom will not receive a transplant and that her life is very frail. I hadn't really let the thoughts of her dying enter my brain, but it is a possibility. I have to sit down and discuss with them (or maybe just my dad) what will happen if that ends up being the result. I don't want to think about it, I don't want to know about it, but realistically I must prepare. I can't live in denial and then all of a sudden be unfprepared and the worst happens. I have not lost my spirit, just faded a tiny bit.
Like I said, she isn't really comfortable having visitors or calls. If you'd like to leave her messages either on here, I will pass them on to her. You can also email or call the house. O She likes cards too. If you have any questions, feel free to ask me. I'm trying really hard to keep everyone updated and let them know whats happening. Thank you to everyone who has expressed their concerns, have been there to listen, and offered up thoughts and prayers. You may not think you are doing much or helping, but really you are. The whole family sends out thanks.